She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
