your room smells of hookers.
And success
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
