I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
