Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
