When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
