dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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