After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
