he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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