Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
