Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
