I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
