as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
