so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
