If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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