dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
