Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize