battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
