he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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