im drinking this country out of the recession.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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