lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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