Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
