Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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