Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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