Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize