My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
