I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
