Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
