thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
