U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
