Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
