Soap is not a condiment
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is classic penis vs brain.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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