Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
