She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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