Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
