its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
