u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize