if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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