Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my being single is dangerous.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
