Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
