Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
