dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize