I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
