shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
