it hurts more in the daytime
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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