Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
