i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
