Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
