I cockslap morals
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
