i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
