Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize