I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
