i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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