I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
