I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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