Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
