4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
