i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
