Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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