bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
