Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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