Pappa wants mamma naked
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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