He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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