for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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