theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
