WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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