can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
