I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
