Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
