i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
