Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
