At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
