In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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