Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
