my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize