I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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