You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
