Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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