we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
