she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
