No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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