I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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