a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
