who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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