To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
