my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
