i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
