Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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