Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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