I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
