well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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