Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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