I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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