Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Randomize
